a while back i published this on power:
power is truly a drug. it's a cycle of confirming yourself, your status and abilities. and power to take even more than power to give. when giving, you have to worry about the other side liking, actually appreciating the end result. you have to put energy, actual effort into what you're giving. not so with taking. after all, that's the point. you take, no matter what. with power comes the ability to do just that, right now. the ability to fulfill desires and fantasies, impose your will onto reality, make it come true. and with near absolute power, the kind which i felt, even this kind of euphoria becomes oh so much more intense. because there are no consequences, no repercussions, nothing. you are untouchable, invincible, limited only by what you crave. so you take, knowing exactly that you can do just that. grab the euphoria from fulfillment. only to just re-enforce the hierarchy, the dynamics, your very own position. making you want more, and more, and more. each time confirming your power, your sense of invincibility, your fulfillment of what you crave being no more than the metaphorical pressing of a button away. and so it goes on. in my case, at least in extreme ones: until i pass out because the high itself is so intense it becomes too much to handle.
since then, a lot has happened though, including experiences that went far beyond what i felt back then. so, how does it feel?
it's hard to describe really without resorting to comparisons that in themselves would need describing. however, here's the simplified answer: intoxicating. and i do not use this word as a mere metaphor.
it's a kick. it's a trip. it's a high. it's confidence, awareness, uninhibited impulsivity and pleasure. a sense of control over your life because you can, without any intermediary, in that moment just make your will become reality. once you grasp that thought, realize that this is the case, you start testing it out. slowly at first, because you're not yet ... sure. but why not? and every time you see the reality shaping itself according to what it is you want, you mentally confirm this state, creating what is, essentially, a feedback loop of everything i wrote here. all the while, you know that nothing can stop you, nothing is in your way, especially not those affected by it.
outside of the situation itself there is the knowledge of said status. you know others will listen, you know others will obey, you know you could just give a command, express any desire with regards to the power you have, and it would come true. at any time you like. the high of it is at your disposal, you could just grab it, do what you want, always. like i said, it's like having 24/7 unrestricted access to a button that just floods your brain with happy chemicals. it is this knowledge and the security in its truth - the lack of anxiety that i could just lose it lest i keep tight control - around which i personally center a lot of my pleasure. it is something i like to use at times - thinking about the status and potential i have - just to make myself high. and it is this unlike many other things permanent access which makes it potentially addictive and dangerous to handle. something i will talk about later.
for me, there is also a physical aspect to it. a pleasant shiver starting somewhere around my chest, a tensing and untensing of my entire body, itself contributing to any ecstatic state i might be feeling. and a lightheaded feeling in my brain that i cannot describe in any other way than intensely sexual.
this will be it for now. i mainly wanted to write this post so that i had something up and not feel bad for publishing an empty link.