any self-respecting writer of any sort, be they a blogger, a columnist, a speech writer or whatever, who thinks anything of themselves usually starts a text such as this one with a definition taken from some dictionary or another. and who am i to break with this tradition? so here goes:
merriam-webster defines responsibility as
"the quality or state of being responsible: such as a) moral, legal, or mental accountability; b) reliability, trustworthiness" or as "something for which one is responsible; burden".
this does however not get us anywhere, so let's look at the definition of "responsible":
"liable to be called on to answer" or "able to answer to one's conduct and obligations" or "marked by or involving responsibility or accountability" or "politically answerable".
i must say i particularly like the third definition, especially when put in context to what "responsibility" is defined as. beautifully shows the ambiguity of the whole thing.
now that this is gotten over with i can start for real.
what is responsibility?
responsibility is a word that is thrown around a lot when anything power-related comes up. with power comes responsibility and things like that. to clarify: i agree. with power does come responsibility. but more often than not, phrases such as this one are meaningless and responsibility has become nothing but a euphemism for power. something to justify the privileges and benefits coming with it and why those wielding it supposedly deserve them. think of ceos and the explanations for why they have earned the masses of cash they get. something that's oh such a burden and oh so heavy to bear (/i). this context is why i seriously dislike the use of the word and usually avoid it.
however, it is impossible to seriously talk about power without talking about responsibility. and in order to talk about something, i should define it. so here goes:
to me, responsibility is thinking about how your actions will affect others and attempting to choose a course of action that ideally benefits, but at the very least harms those affected as little as possible.
so what is responsibility to me?
i do not believe in a responsibility grounded in a universal moral concept or in a duty to do "good". starting with the simple fact that all of us come from quite different cultural, and therefore moral, background, the question would remain of what even is "good", and who i would be to decide what is good for others and what isn't? especially with regards to this hypothetical decision then becoming one that claims universality. after all, it would stem from such a grand concept.
i do not want to be guided by such a fragile and volatile concept that can be twisted and perverted so as to suit whatever needs might arise. i believe in my own responsibility because i have been entrusted with it. and because i have no interest in abusing or disappointing this trust. on the contrary, i value it, i treasure and cherish it. and so i want to act according to it, according to how i defined responsibility and according to the one given to me.
i want us to have fun. i want to not cause irreparable harm. i want us to be able to get out of our dynamics without lasting consequences for each other, especially without ones that transcends us. no "growth", no "learning", no greater good which i do not feel entitled to decide to be universally true for others. while it is an honor to be associated with care, both self and given, i primarily want us to have fun. nothing more.
this, of course, only works with regards to such dynamics in which i have explicitly been handed over power as well as only as far as i am able to understand the effects of my actions. i have yet to adjust to not only having an audience but also of my words being ascribed with a lot of meaning.
to be entirely honest, i am still not sure how i want to deal with this. as you may have noticed, i do not like the word "responsibility". it's a watered down, pseudo-humble way to paraphrase power and privilege. i also do not want an agenda in the name of the righteous and good, because that more often than not leads to bad ways - something i shall explain later. and because i do not want to self-censor or tailor my appearance. but i also do not want to ignore the apparent effect i have ...
this, dear readers, is the struggle with responsibility.
how i will deal with it?
the truth, to be entirely honest, in all simplicity, is:
i don't know.
i just want us all to have fun and to help as many others as possible to have fun themselves qwq